quoting the worst of fanfiction since 1992

“You didn’t go as Green Lantern did you?” Hal smirked with a shrug. Oliver could only slam his face into his palm. “Hal. Take from someone who knows. IT’S HARD TO FIX A BAD PUBLIC IMAGE!”
“She said the Justice League, not just Green Lantern, Arrow!” Oliver paused for a moment and looked at television, it was showing the fight between Hal and Major Disaster. Oliver turned up the volume when the footage froze as Green Lantern skidded to a stop in front of the camera.
“Does he look like he’s gained weight to you?” Asked one of the old women on the talk show. There was some laughter from the audience.
“I don’t know. But… The other week the Flash ran into a bakery…” Another woman said, as the image changed to the Flash, who was covered in what looked like a wedding cake and was licking some of it off his arm. Behind him was Nightwing, wiping some of the same cake off his arm. Neither seemed aware their photo was being taken.”

Chris: okay fine this is funny

old women calling superheros fat will always be funny

Holly: oh gosh when you put it that way. Lets just ignore the fact that I’m half sad that Nightwing is actually mentioned in this fanfic

“Oliver stood up; something didn’t look right about Hal while he was sitting down. “Ollie? There’s still another two pieces in the bucket…” Oliver however looked at Hal.
“Stand up…” Hal looked at him and complied. “Now I’m doing this as your friend…” Oliver grabbed Hal’s gut and pulled out a piece of flab. “LOOK AT THIS FAT!” Hal pushed him off and looked at himself in shock.
“I… No…”
“It’s the chicken Hal. You just eat like six pieces while I ate two. How often do you even eat it?”
“I guess I do drop by the place one or two times a week…” He said slowly pulling on the roll of flab Oliver had pointed out.”

Chris: oh

oh god

it begins

Holly:

“Try it. I don’t let some snobby reporter tell you what to eat.” Oliver grabbed a piece. His mouth watering and bit into it. The spices rolled onto his tongue and he took another bite, tearing most of the meat off the bone.
“Alright Hal. This is good…” Oliver dropped his piece when he saw Hal was already on his third piece of chicken. “You wanna slow down Hal?” Hal tore off the last of the meat and stuffed it in his mouth.
“Mope Mime Mood!” Hal said before dropping the bones and grabbing another piece. Oliver grabbed his second piece of chicken and slowly ate it. His appetite no longer there despite the pleasant spices on his tongue. He watched as Hal used his ring to create a napkin to wipe the grease off his face before grabbing the last piece and chomped in down in a few bites.”

Chris: this consumption is far too graphic. Seriously, southern fried chicken isn’t very sexy.

Holly: Oh geeez.

“And where were you when Major Disaster attacked me, Green Arrow?” Hal said crossly putting the bucket on the table. Oliver however smiled.
“I’m not the best role model for the citizens…” Hal glared.
“Encouraging unhealthy eating habits? I know Bruce’s butler makes a fine roast and Clark’s ma? Best apple pie I ever had.”
“And now we’re eating take away chicken.” Oliver said sitting down at the table. “The bucket itself had blue and white stripes on it, along with a yellow chicken where a medieval helmet with a red tuff of feathers on the top. “With a chicken as a mascot.” Oliver stared at the bowl of chicken, blinking slowly.”

Chris: jesus christ WHY ARE YOU GOING INTO DETAIL ABOUT THE BUCKET

seriously did it actually cross their mind that people really want to know about the aesthetics of their fictional chicken takeout design

Holly:

I don’t like where this is going….

“Cop show. Teenage sitcom…” Oliver said dully as he pressed the channel up button. He stopped on a news story showing somebody getting arrested. The camera zoomed out to show hoards of citizens around Green Lantern. “Now I feel really bad waiting around.” Oliver smirked as he watched the brunette reporter pushed herself through the crowd.”

Chris: Too dull for written response
Too dull for reaction face
Holy shit just get to the terrible parts

Holly: BUT WE NEED CONTEXT

Chris: CONTEXT IS FOR THE MEEK

Holly: ;-;

“It can’t be that hard getting chicken from Knight Wings can it?” He muttered to himself. Oliver leaned back forward and picked up the remote on the table and turned the TV back on.”

Holly: All I could think of was this:  

is this baad.

“Oliver leaned back on his chair. Running his fingers through his moustache. Hal was late. He knew because he had been late himself arriving at Hal apartment and had hadn’t even bothered to change out of his Green Arrow costume. Just left his quiver under the window and sat down.”

Chris: Time to feel my sweetass mustache
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm yeah

Holly: Oh gosh, I am already laughing.